Manchester United deny intentionally leaving their manager in the middle of the M62.
When the Manchester United bus pulled up at Old Trafford last night, the team were clearly despondent over their 2-0 loss to Everton hours before. The one man not to exit the vehicle was club manager David Moyes. In the rush to get home to dwell on their former cocaine-fuelled glories, the team and attending journalists didn’t seem to notice.
Then at 8.23pm Sunday evening, the Daily Hawk office was contacted by a member of the public, Harold Thule, claiming to have seen Moyes sitting in a lay-by on the M62. “He looked pretty rough” said Thule. “I think he was trying to hitch hike. There were a lot of fans driving back but they were just throwing stuff at him.”
A security guard, who wishes not to be named, working at Burtonwood Services informed our reporter he had seen the broken manager earlier that evening. “The bus pulled up about half seven I think, the players getting crisps and stuff. Moyes came out of the bog and it took off. He tried to make a few calls but didn’t get an answer. I asked if he needed any help but he told me he was getting picked up by a mate. Twenty minutes later I saw him walking off down the motorway with a sausage roll.”
Official spokespersons for Manchester United offered their apologies to Moyes this morning and strenuously denied he had been left to trudge 19 miles up a multi-lane highway on purpose. Comments from players have been less clear. When asked for his thoughts footballing legend Ryan Giggs said “Eh” while Anders Lindegaard, goalkeeper, merely smirked.
We concluded our conversation with Thule, a lifelong supporter of the club, asking if he himself had done anything to help Moyes. “No. No I did not”.