By Daniel Bradley
In a recent interview, Samantha Cameron has stated that nothing relaxes her more than a staged holiday with her husband and children.
‘The kids always enjoy their pretend time away’ says Samantha. ‘It’s really the only time we get to project the appearance of letting our hair down.’
Samantha Cameron has claimed that the phony vacations are the most enjoyable part of being married to a politician. ‘Sitting in the sun with a cappuccino, your husband and six tabloid photographers… there’s nothing like it.’
It has long been said by Prime Ministers past that the best way to alleviate the stress that surfaces when your party is crumbling around you is to hop on Ryanair for a pseudo-trip to Gran Canaria.
‘We try to pretend to get away at least once a year. It’s good for the soul. Manufactured relaxation just cleanses the mind and spirit.’
‘We’ve found places like Lanzarote and Ibiza to be perfect for creating the illusion of unwinding.’
Samantha hasn’t always relied on sham family getaways, however. She compares her current, PR laden holiday experience with the genuine holidays of her youth. ‘I remember when I was only four years old and my mum used to take us all abroad for real, actual holidays. Oh, it was awful.’
‘Genuinely experiencing a vacation is so much more hassle than just projecting the image of one in loads of national newspapers.’
Samantha insists that her husband wouldn’t be able to cope with the stresses of parliamentary life if it weren’t for their spurious sabbaticals.
‘I keep saying to him “darling, if you don’t start taking time off to pretend that everything is fine in a far away holiday resort, you’ll be dead by sixty.”’
‘I think everyone deserves some time in the sun and a chance to feign peace of mind. You can’t put a price on fabricated, happy memories.’