LONDON – Police can confirm they have helivaced three Welsh herding dogs to safety after a daring brunchtime raid. Deputy Commissioner Enid Powell informed reporters that, “The animals -who will not be named for legal reasons- have been successfully rescued from a hip Shoreditch bistro.”
“A suspect is now in custody. It was quite easy really, he made no effort to resist or comprehend what was going on.”
Powell refused to acknowledge if the dogs were in fact owned by the Queen, and stated with regards to the level of police response that “the Met takes all incidents of pet theft seriously.”
UPDATE: Commandos have evacuated Royal Swans from Henley.
The Daily Hawk asked if the rescue team would have been willing to use deadly force.
“I wouldn’t say a dog, no matter how well connected, is worth a single human life. In this instance however a 3:2 ratio would have been acceptable.”
When questioned if she believed the kidnapper had connections to Islamist groups, Powell whispered to her assistant before stating “He is quite swarthy.”
The Metropolitan Police have been praised my Mayor Johnson for their swift action. Others have criticised the Met’s heavy handedness.
Our reporter asked Powell why water cannons had been deployed against bistro after the operation had been completed, to which she pulled a face.