Category Entertainment

Tesco Staff Permitted to Insult Fat Customers

By Michael Burton In a controversial move, Tesco are starting a new ‘health campaign’ which permits staff to insult obese customers. The campaign, which has been called ‘Berate The Weight’ is being trialed in The Tesco store in Hammersmith. Carl Ritchins, 42, is Regional Manager of the store; Berate The Weight was his idea and […]

Politicians Work Together To Make Country A Better Place

By Daniel Bradley In an unexpected and astonishing act of political enterprise, government figures of every degree and rank are working together to improve everything. Everything. In a move universally heralded as ‘unthinkable’, progress has genuinely been made by the people whose job it is to make progress. Those in charge have actually done well. […]

Nick & Nige: A Double Act With Promise

By Daniel Bradley and Michael Burton. A political debate seemed an unlikely setting for a prime time comedy series, but on Wednesday night millions of viewers returned for the second installment of Nick & Nige, BBC2’s recently aired, feature length sitcom. With absurd routines about leaflets and spurious mathematics, Nick & Nige has been hailed […]

Noel Edmonds Batters Himself with Phone: Cosmic Justice?

By Michael Burton The live studio audience looked on in baffled horror as Noel Edmonds spontaneously began battering himself with the Deal Or No Deal phone. In contorted conflict, the host delivered blow after blow upon himself, whilst at the same time the other half of his body struggled frantically to resist the violence. It […]

Malaysian Flight MH370: Cumberbatch Refuses to Solve Mystery

By Daniel Bradley The last three weeks have seen wild speculation, contradictory theories and inconclusive evidence as to the fate and potential whereabouts of the missing Malaysian Airlines flight, MH370. While pressure has been mounting for Malaysian Airline officials, the Malaysian government, Chinese authorities and Australian and U.S. Navies, there is one man who owes […]

The Sun’s ‘Frack to the Future’: The Truth

By Michael Burton The Sun newspaper has launched a ‘Frack to the Future’ campaign; a pro-fracking crusade, complete with petition, to get Mr Cameron to kick-start the fracking process as soon as possible. The aims of the campaign are threefold; to enlighten Britains about the wonderful benefits of fracking, to have them sign the petition […]

Fast Food Chain Subway Admits Defeat

By Michael Burton The problem has plagued them for years and today, after three years of rigorous research, the company confessed they are still none the wiser. In a press release this morning the corporate giant conceded, ‘ We don’t know how to keep the meatballs in the bread.’ It was a moment of honesty […]