Category Lifestyle

Samantha Cameron: ‘Nothing Relaxes Me More Than a Fake Family Vacation.’

By Daniel Bradley In a recent interview, Samantha Cameron has stated that nothing relaxes her more than a staged holiday with her husband and children. ‘The kids always enjoy their pretend time away’ says Samantha. ‘It’s really the only time we get to project the appearance of letting our hair down.’ Samantha Cameron has claimed […]

Tesco Staff Permitted to Insult Fat Customers

By Michael Burton In a controversial move, Tesco are starting a new ‘health campaign’ which permits staff to insult obese customers. The campaign, which has been called ‘Berate The Weight’ is being trialed in The Tesco store in Hammersmith. Carl Ritchins, 42, is Regional Manager of the store; Berate The Weight was his idea and […]

Politicians Work Together To Make Country A Better Place

By Daniel Bradley In an unexpected and astonishing act of political enterprise, government figures of every degree and rank are working together to improve everything. Everything. In a move universally heralded as ‘unthinkable’, progress has genuinely been made by the people whose job it is to make progress. Those in charge have actually done well. […]

Noel Edmonds Batters Himself with Phone: Cosmic Justice?

By Michael Burton The live studio audience looked on in baffled horror as Noel Edmonds spontaneously began battering himself with the Deal Or No Deal phone. In contorted conflict, the host delivered blow after blow upon himself, whilst at the same time the other half of his body struggled frantically to resist the violence. It […]

The Sun’s ‘Frack to the Future’: The Truth

By Michael Burton The Sun newspaper has launched a ‘Frack to the Future’ campaign; a pro-fracking crusade, complete with petition, to get Mr Cameron to kick-start the fracking process as soon as possible. The aims of the campaign are threefold; to enlighten Britains about the wonderful benefits of fracking, to have them sign the petition […]

Fast Food Chain Subway Admits Defeat

By Michael Burton The problem has plagued them for years and today, after three years of rigorous research, the company confessed they are still none the wiser. In a press release this morning the corporate giant conceded, ‘ We don’t know how to keep the meatballs in the bread.’ It was a moment of honesty […]

Serbian Warlord to Appear On Sesame Street

By Daniel Bradley  At the request of the children’s channel, PBS Kids, Ratko Mladic, the former military commander and genocidal war criminal, has been given a seven hour supervised release from his trial at the Hague tribunal to film his appearance as a celebrity guest in a highly anticipated episode of Sesame Street. Mladic, the […]