Category Sport

David Moyes Abandoned at Service Station

by Pete Wilson Manchester United deny intentionally leaving their manager in the middle of the M62. When the Manchester United bus pulled up at Old Trafford last night, the team were clearly despondent over their 2-0 loss to Everton hours before. The one man not to exit the vehicle was club manager David Moyes. In […]

Working Classes Rejoice as Wayne Rooney’s Salary Skyrockets

By Michael Burton Circumstances can change quickly. One minute you can be winning and the next minute you can be not winning. It’s fleeting, volatile and, at times, uglier than war; it’s football. But in the middle of the chaos – the clamour, the brutality – there is one man who, with unimaginable bravery, runs […]

Drunk Beckham Calls Public ‘Bunch of Fickle C*nts’

By Michael Burton What was supposed to be a quiet visit home turned into news story of the week last night, when a drunken David Beckham, accompanied by Victoria, let rip at members of the of the public, calling them a, ‘Bunch of fickle c*nts.’ One of our reporters happened to be at the scene […]

Premier League Footballer comes out as Vegan

by Jake B.T. Waring Daniel Sturridge has announced on Twitter that he is a vegan. The shocking revelation has left the world of football with much to chew on, and has changed British sport as we know it. The Liverpool forward is the first footballer to play in the top flight of English football to […]

Football Machine Gun Frenzy & 9 Other Stories You Need To Read This Week

by Peter Wilson Light entertainer Bruce Forsyth continues to deny his deceased status. ‘I’m not dead’, insists phantom dancer. Crippled by debt, the Irish Government announced the Republic is to be converted into an Irish-American theme park. Isle of Craic will open to the public in summer 2014. Barack Obama stated at a press conference […]