Category UK

Frozen tramp corpses set to be ‘more multicultural than ever’ this Christmas

The Home Office have released projections today indicating that people dying due to lack of shelter over the holiday period will not only be the highest in a generation but also the most ethnically diverse since records began. “I think its a sign that we are on track to a fairer Britain”, said the Home […]

UK teachers treat students to end of term ‘fun day’; nurse hangovers.

Up and down the country, children are counting down the minutes until the start of their Christmas holidays. “They’re so excited”, says Mrs. Henderson, “but if Callum doesn’t stop with that damn Transformer thing I’m going to throw him out the window.” As the students become increasingly raucous, she informs them that there is a […]

Royal Corginapper Caught in Police Operation LONDON – Police can confirm they have helivaced three Welsh herding dogs to safety after a daring brunchtime raid. Deputy Commissioner Enid Powell informed reporters that, “The animals -who will not be named for legal reasons- have been successfully rescued from a hip Shoreditch bistro.” “A suspect is now in custody. It was quite […]

Samantha Cameron: ‘Nothing Relaxes Me More Than a Fake Family Vacation.’

By Daniel Bradley In a recent interview, Samantha Cameron has stated that nothing relaxes her more than a staged holiday with her husband and children. ‘The kids always enjoy their pretend time away’ says Samantha. ‘It’s really the only time we get to project the appearance of letting our hair down.’ Samantha Cameron has claimed […]

David Moyes Abandoned at Service Station

by Pete Wilson Manchester United deny intentionally leaving their manager in the middle of the M62. When the Manchester United bus pulled up at Old Trafford last night, the team were clearly despondent over their 2-0 loss to Everton hours before. The one man not to exit the vehicle was club manager David Moyes. In […]

Andy Coulson: “The affair never negatively affected our criminal activity”

by Pete Wilson At the Old Bailey on Monday, the former editor of the News of the World apologised openly for his “wrong doings” and “immoral actions”. Asked by the court if he was referring to the charges of serious breaches of privacy in the name of tabloid titillation he replied: “Oh no, I meant […]

Tesco Staff Permitted to Insult Fat Customers

By Michael Burton In a controversial move, Tesco are starting a new ‘health campaign’ which permits staff to insult obese customers. The campaign, which has been called ‘Berate The Weight’ is being trialed in The Tesco store in Hammersmith. Carl Ritchins, 42, is Regional Manager of the store; Berate The Weight was his idea and […]